I’m pretty into the shapes in which the cross body bag is making a return. I really like the one below but my current purse is extremely well made and sturdy and roomy - so I can’t justify another one right now. Poodle.

Matt and Nat ‘Leda’ at Nordstrom

This evening’s view from our backyard.

What is it about Christmas and the New Year that makes me want to perform a massive culling of stuff? Toys metastasize during the holidays and by December 26, I’m overwhelmed and annoyed by the lack of shelf space and the litter of tiny toy parts on the carpet. Tiny parts that will either be eaten by the dog or shoved down the hot air registers by The Boy and lost forever.

I’ve been encouraging our family to buy toys for the children from oompa.com in the hopes that the relatively high price of a single toy would discourage them from buying more than one thing and thereby reduce the need for my post-holiday purge. It hasn’t worked very well; only my brother actually heeded my request.

As a result I’ll spend today going through all the old toys, trashing the destroyed and donating the rest. I really need to convince Kit to part with most of her stuffed animals. There are so many of those things, living in such cramped conditions that I wouldn’t be surprised if they banded together and executed a soft and plushy coup.

When our dear friend Sean was seven, his lovely Jewish mother married a wonderful African American man. Sean grew up in Pontiac eating collared greens and latkes, kugel and sweet potato pie, a childhood diet I deeply envy. Tonight we’re celebrating the beginning of Hanukkah with him. He and my husband have been in the kitchen *all day* with his grandmother’s cookbook hand-making matzo ball soup and kugel, like proper old ladies.

Is there anything better than phở on a cold winter’s night?

It’s warm and beefy (and if like us, you throw a little sriracha in) pleasantly spicy. Comforting like a stew but the cilantro, thai basil and bean sprouts all taste like spring to me. It’s simultaneously light and hearty, delicious, filling and magically kills the winter blahs.

We get our phở from China Chef, a tiny, ancient looking restaurant in a strip mall where the hygiene standards are questionable and the waitresses surly - but damn, the old guy in the kitchen knows what he is about.

Right before we were married (like a week before) my in-laws called and informed my husband that if we married, they would never accept me as a daughter-in-law. They wouldn’t be coming to the wedding. I wasn’t Korean and had a child from a previous relationship. I’m sure they had a few other reasons but mercifully, I’ve forgotten them.

My dear husband doesn’t react well to ultimatums. He told them that we’d be getting married as planned, end of story. I was grateful for his resolve and commitment; his response was immediate and unconflicted. Even though it was his free choice, it saddened me deeply that in choosing me, in choosing his own family - he would need to leave behind the family he was born to.

In our case, things worked out. They came to the wedding. We had rocky patches but things have gotten progressively better - largely aided by the birth of their grandchildren. I do my best to perform those tiny signifiers that show I respect their cultural expectations; I am making an effort to behave as a good Korean daughter-in-law should.

It costs me nothing and might even be working! Could have been the bourbon talking - but two weeks ago at The Boy’s 2nd birthday party, my FIL thanked my father for raising me so well and for letting me join his family.

I’m writing this because my story has a happy ending and I know that there are other intercultural couples out there with similar bumpy, happy stories. Ultimatums can be so hurtful, such a rejection - yet anecdotally it seems that many Koreans parents rely on them to attempt to stop relationships they deem unacceptable.

How did you get from ultimatum to acceptance? Did you? I want all your stories about overcoming familial objections - whatever the particulars of your relationship. What advice do you have for others currently in that situation?

From Machiavelli’s: The Jonas Brother: “Those who wish to win favor with a Jonas brother customarily offer him those things they hold most precious or that they see him most delight in. Thus, we often see Jonas brothers given vestments of gold cloth, made-for-television movies, precious stones, insulin, horses, Baby Bottle–pop endorsement contracts, arms, and similar ornaments suited to their greatness.”

Showering my son has become really difficult since he realized that you can remove the cover and put things in the drain. His sister’s barbie, a plastic spoon, a toothbrush, his hand… I understand that sticking stuff in stuff is like a man’s whole raison d’être but COME ON. DON’T FLOOD MY BATHROOM!

Interesting article from The New Yorker on how “helicopter parents” are screwing up their kids.

“As children explore their environment by themselves—making decisions, taking chances, coping with any attendant anxiety or frustration—their neurological equipment becomes increasingly sophisticated, Marano says. “Dendrites sprout. Synapses form.” If, on the other hand, children are protected from such trial-and-error learning, their nervous systems “literally shrink.”

Over-protective parenting is a pet peeve of mine and as such, I read the article with great schadenfreude. But - as the piece concludes, there are worse things happening to kids right now than smothering by love.

“…we worry too much, or about the wrong things. Despite general prosperity—at least until recently—the percentage of poor children in America is greater today than it was thirty years ago. One in six children lives below the poverty line. If you want an emergency…there’s one.”

Still, if you’ve ever gritted your teeth through another parent’s recitation of the “achievements” of their 24 month old or felt vaguely guilty because your idea of “playtime” is encouraging your kids to clean the house with you (hello!); it’s nice to have some validation.

Teehee. I’ve been waiting to post this since last weekend. It took forever to figure out a way to get it off my brother-in-law’s awesome camera phone. Joe was super nice (it took like 3 tries to get the flash right) and looks even better in person that he does on t.v. We had a blast at Figo (took home a giant bag of Kerastase samples - addiction!) and even though Chen Chow was ridiculously busy, we managed to squeeze in a drink (me, pearsicle martini) before heading back home to the kidlets.